Forward and onward

You know what's more liberating than gorging on a piece of triple fudge chocolate cheesecake after a week of no-nonsense, clean eating, almost-dying dieting?
Answer: Forgiveness.


It's two more weeks to the New Year and with this free time that I have right now, I thought a lot about the things that used to plague me and I think I realized that it's time for me to take responsibility for the things I did. It's slowly dawning upon me that I'm turning 25 *inhale exhale* next year and that there are some things I need to leave behind in order to move on.


One thing I'd like to leave behind is this illogical perception that I'm "invisible". I've shied away from social media for a long time and kept myself hidden because I was afraid of how people perceived me.

Now that I think about it, I think I was afraid of how I perceived myself *jeng jeng jeng*. 

And I wanna get out of that. I want to feel comfortable in front of a camera as how I feel too comfortable being behind it. I want to own that room instead of slithering at the food section, hoping no one would realize that I had one too many cake pops. We all have a voice. And it's time that I use mine.

The other thing that I'd like to leave behind is holding on to hurt. Well, I will admit that going invisible has allowed me to face my demons head on and it helped me let go of sad events that left a scar in me. I take responsibility for my immaturity, for my insecurity and for the unpleasant ways that I handled situations and people in the past.

I think it's time that I forgive myself for I was only 19-21 years old with the maturity of a tadpole, so I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I was vulnerable, desperate to belong and just plain stupid. Now that I have realized my mistakes and acknowledged them, I think it's high time that I move on.


For 2017, I want to be kinder to people and to myself. I want to love people without expecting anything in return. Sounds like something only a divine being can do but hey, I'm gonna try. There are a lot of people who take pride in "not caring about anything or anyone" and I don't want to be that anymore. I don't want to march around saying "screw the world!" when actually, I feel differently inside. So yeah, enough of that.

I'm pretty excited for 2017. I'm excited to turn 25.
And I'm excited (and terrified) for what's in store.

I'm going home for Christmas

I'm pretty sure everyone has that one song (or movie) that feels like it belongs to them. I don't really know how to explain this but...you just feel like this song or this movie was written for you?

okay, never mind. you either get it or you don't. 

Christmas has always been a joyous occasion for me. I remember that one time when my dad brought home a tree and some decorations. My sister and I spent our time decorating the little apartment we stayed in for the first 14 years of our lives. It was a small living room, with second-hand furniture (my parents were poor at that time) and we had a small TV and some Mickey Mouse VCRS. We lived with little but we were taken cared of.

as the years went by and we moved to a bigger house, we kinda stopped decorating the house. being the design geek that i am, i continued decorating every year, sometimes alone, because my family grew disinterested over the years.
later on, my dad grew increasingly theological about everything and the whole 'christmas-is-a-pagan-festival' message creeped into our house (yes, it's true that christmas is a pagan festival and that the true meaning of Christmas is about Jesus's birth) and the atmosphere dimmed as the years went by.

in the last 2 Christmas-es, my house remained bare. decorating the house became a chore and as we grew older, we became busier.
also, i realized that my boyfriend wasn't really a Christmas buff too (i guess the biggest festival in his life would be Chinese New Year). we didn't really celebrate it together, seeing that we were in church 24/7 at that time.
by the time December rolled along this year, I knew that I had no magic left inside me. whatever childhood awe I had during 'the greatest time of the year' had already vanished.

anyway, back to this "song" that I was talking about.

I have a favorite Christmas song. It's called "Going Home For Christmas" by Steven Curtis Chapman.
It's a song about a grandma who loved the Christmas season and loved her family. Though she was ill and dying, she still planned the Christmas feast for the family. Halfway through the song, she dies.
Yeah, not exactly the 'ho ho ho it's a merry holly jolly Christmas' type of song.


In the song, she always reminded her family that while she was dying, she was joyfully waiting to 'go home' for Christmas. And that she will be "face to face with Jesus as we celebrate His birth" and that "this gift will be worth to her more than anything on earth."

*cue all my tears*

I guess this really hit home for me because it's been 2 years since I left Christianity and the church. I blogged about my experience last year and the pain has left me with ugly and bitter feelings towards God and the church. I was angry and occasionally blamed God for what happened, but I never understood why I was in this "woo hoo", crazy religion that seemed like a judgmental prison instead of the unconditional love showed by Jesus Christ. It's like, I've been a Christian all my useless life but I never knew this person of Jesus Christ and what this Gospel was. I felt cheated. In fact, I still do.


My wish this Christmas is that I will be like that grandma in the song.
This grandma (yeah i know she may be fictional) probably had a strong spiritual walk. This grandma probably loved her family with the same love that Jesus loved her. It takes a woman with a big heart to remind her family that though she was dying, she was still going home to a better place. And that going home to Jesus meant the world to her. I hope that this year, I will go home for Christmas and that I will go home to stay.


To all of you who made it this far on my post (sorry this took too long heh :P ), 
Merry Christmas and have a great year ahead!
I hope you will find that gift that will mean to you more than anything on earth.
XOXO

The five Malaysian reactions to "I want to pursue my Masters"

So here's the deal: I recently applied to pursue my Master of Arts in English Literature with hopes of starting in February.

Honestly, the thought of doing my masters never occurred to me until one day, when I was in the midst of deciphering the similarities behind F. Scott Fitzgerald's novels, (who also happens to be my spirit animal woot woot!) I had a mighty epiphany that perhaps I should just do it.

My parents were cool about it. Mom went all "finally, you have seen the light!" in a "i-dont-know-what-is-wrong-with-your-generation" type of way, while my dad went on and on about me publishing my paper in an academic journal and getting into a Ph.D program and finding a niche so that I will be a sought-after academic, bla bla bla. You know, very typical parent-like responses. Or maybe just my parents.

I've received a lot of mixed reactions from people whenever I casually mention about doing my masters. As I recalled all the different responses, I couldn't help but to note how well-meaning, varied and funny some of these responses were.

"Wahh so yeng ahh do masters. Then your work how?"
While I won't say that it's very yeng (the common phrase used by Malaysians regardless of race, which stands for 'very cool' in Cantonese) for one to do their masters, I would think that it's normal for someone who wants to specialize in a related field or to get ahead with their careers.
When I was still in college, my classmates were all ready to apply for Masters in Clinical Psychology while I was the one who was opposed to such an idea and chose the unglamorous life of being a working class millennial.

As for the topic of 'your work how?', I would say that there have been people who have pursued their masters part-time while working full-time, with the exception of people who can do their masters full-time without any means of income. I plan to do it part-time.


"Umm...English Lit is good lah, but I think you need something practical" 
True. Honestly, I also wondered if English Lit was the practical thing to do. I mean, I would have chosen Journalism or Communications or my initial plan of Art Therapy/Social Psychology, but I don't know why I just gravitated to English Lit. Like, there's this unexplained force behind this decision that is telling me that this is the course that I should do.

Okay, if I think about it practically, I would think that English Lit would come in handy if I continue my career as a writer/author but in total honestly, I'm pursuing my masters for the love of English Literature. I don't really see myself in the academic line and I still want to write for magazines or content marketing. What comes out of this would just have to be a surprise (this answer generally freaks the baby boomers, so perhaps I need a better comeback for this one).

"English Lit? That's great! I could never do English Lit!"
Actually, you can. It's just whether you see it as part of your future or if you love it. At the end of the day, it's to each it's own. But really, you CAN do English Lit if you set your mind to it. Just like coding or baking or astrophysics.


"Actually, you don't need to do your masters to be good in something. Just go and travel. Don't waste time."
This answer usually comes from the millennials but then again, they are millennials and most millennials don't know what they're talking about (like you're probably wondering the same about me). Like I said, I'm pursuing my masters for the love of literature and also because it will help me with my writing career. Just like Fitzgerald, I would love to publish a novel and hope that it could be a New York Times's bestselling novel. Hey, there are Malaysians who made it to that list and I don't see why I can't. It will come with a lot of hard work, revisions, knowing the right people, but it'll be worth it.


"That's great, Carissa. I'm happy for you. As long as it is part of God's plan"
I don't know what is in 'God's plan'. I've given up on this whole 'God's plan' thing after years of hearing this buzz phrase being preached in churches, but thanks. I will do my part and work hard. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. As long as I do whatever I can to see it through.


I'm still waiting (and hoping) to receive the offer letter. It should come by this month because the admissions department said so. I've passed the first round of the application and did the writing test that they've sent me and I really, really hope to see something in my inbox soon. I have my fingers crossed. I'm also waiting to hear back from a very very important job interview, so you can probably guess that I'm in pins and needles at this point.

In the mean time...

So, why do you wanna be a writer?

Furrowed eyebrows. The look of confusion. Lips gently parted. A writer? "What do you mean you want to be a writer?"

I was probably fifteen at that time, answering the bothersome question that every adult thrives in asking confused teenagers: what do you want to be when you grow up?

Simple. I wanted to be a writer. Oh you mean like a journalist or those weather people on TV? No, I casually explained. I want to write articles, organize photo shoots, network with everyone-worth-knowing at galas and premieres and interview famous people. Oh, that. Hmm… but it doesn’t pay the bills (like I was supposed to know that at fifteen). Why don’t you be an accountant instead? Before I could wriggle my way out of the awkward, one-way conversation, I was posed with the typical and awful why-don’t-you-be-a-doctor question*

Why can I not be a doctor? Let’s see. Point one: I cannot stand the sight of open-faced intestines swimming in blood. I’ll either scream or hang myself with a stethoscope or do both. Point two: I might accidentally drop my watch into that poor human’s body while conducting an open heart surgery (ok, I borrowed this from one of those ‘90s slapstick Indian films) because I can be the clumsiest twit on earth.

*footnotes: Indians have a weird obsession with being doctors, probably because of the money and the glamour behind the act of saving lives, but mostly the money. In my group of friends, seven out of eleven people have graduated as doctors. I still, for the life of me, cannot understand this epidemic.

Some people admired me for my confidence. Some didn’t. I remember that one time when my friend broke down in high school because she scored 85% (to overachieving types, this is not an achievement) on her English test and told me that without having fantastic grades to score that medical scholarship, her life would be over.

Over? Are you sure, I asked. There’s so many opportunities out there, I said. 

And then she said this: "You have your writing and I know that you can fall back on that. What about me? What’s gonna happen to me? I have nothing."

To be honest, I felt bad for her and brushed away those tears because I understood that struggle. At 15, it seemed like writing was all I had. Imagine flunking a great scholarship, my life would be over too, right? Writing was my life just as how getting this scholarship was important to her.

Then there were the smirks and knowing grins. You mean you’re gonna be like that Gossip Girl lady who writes about parties and underage drinking? You mean you’re gonna write for those mindless women's magazines that tell girls to wait three days before texting a guy but also telling them that sex on the first date is OK?

Once again, no one got it. But that's okay.

Be yourself. Cliché but true.

"So, M. You wanna start vlogging again, right? But how on earth do you compete with all the other vloggers out there? Like for me, I want to write but there so many writers out there who's probably better or more engaging than me. How on earth do I stand out?".

It was 4.10pm. I was tired, frustrated and bored. 

We were chilling in the swing room in the office. M was already dozing off after a bunch of Trump-Clinton videos and I was at wits' end trying to figure out how to reach this eye care brand to people on the Internet. Honestly, the last place I wanted to be was here. 

M looked up, walked to the table, shrugged and said, "I guess you just have to be yourself."

Oh, like I didn't know that already.

Judging by my wry expression, he quickly added, "Well, these smart vloggers have excellent cameras and other great gears. Also, they have a persona. Like, you've heard of PewDiePie, right? That's a persona."

"A persona? What about Maxim Bady?," I started to laugh, remembering that epic 'girl speaks fluent american' video that suffered the wrath of Maxim Bady's garish opinions.

"Do you actually think Maxim Bady even speaks like that?," M shot a knowing look. "At the end of the day, it's about being yourself, your authentic self. And it's also about having great quality and being persistent."

Be yourself. Righttttt...
And then I wondered, what happened to writing for the love of writing?
Why was I so concerned about being outstanding? The writers I currently follow on Twitter have all been verified, even the ones I dislike are making it big in their relevant fields.

And then there's me. The measly social-media-turned-copywriter telling women why they need a RM2000 anti-ageing cream when I bloody well know that these women are gonna age into a wrinkly prune and die anyway.

On top of discovering my old blog from 2008 (honestly, that has been the highlight of my week), I read through my old posts - not the ones from 2009 coz those sucked, by the way - and remembered how it would take heavy medication to get me to stop writing. So, I made a choice.

I'm gonna write the way I want to write. Whether it's depressing, witty, lame or cheery, I don't really give two hoots anymore. Of course, with the exception of abiding to the style guides of the publications I contribute for. As for this blog, nothing will be barred.

So yes, M. I will take your advice and be myself. That's the only persona the world's gonna get. 

Tagging like it's 2008

So back in the day, tagging people on blogs was the "in" thing. You know, before this whole social media fiasco began. No thanks to my sister, I came across my old blog from 2008 and thought to myself, why don't I bring back this little tagging trend?

For those of you who don't remember the process, here's how it goes: I'll answer these questions, and then I'm gonna tag 7 people. So if you're tagged, you'll have to complete these questions, either on your own blog or if you're a vlogger, a vlog or on a web page if you're a web developer *wink*

Here goes!

Tagged by Christen Koh, from 2008. 

A. Attached or single? Blissfully attached. 

B. Best friend? JuYi Wong. 

C. Cake or pie? How dare you make me decide. I love both! 

D. Day of choice? Friday (it's that feeling of anticipation!!)

E. Essential item? My phone. 

F. Favorite color? I don't have one but I seem to gravitate to earthy shades

G. Gummy bears or worms? Definitely, worms! 

H. Hometown? Selayang. 

I. Favorite indulgence? Dark chocolate. Always. 

J. January or July? January...hey, I get to start all over again.

K. Kids? I don't really want kids but... I'd like to have twin boys. 

L. Life isn't complete without? Dessert. 

M. Marriage date? It has to be August. As the year, hahaha...

N. Number of magazine subscriptions? I follow Esquire, ELLE, GQ, Harper's BAZAAR, Cosmopolitan, W and New York Times on Twitter. Do all of those count as subscriptions?

O. Oranges or apples? Apples. 

P. Phobias? LIZARDS!

Q. Quotes? "In order to be successful, you sure have to go through shit one. I don't know why life is like that," as quoted by my crazy boss (verbatim). 

R. Reasons to smile? Dessert.

S. Season of choice? We have summer every year. What's there to choose? Autumn, maybe. 

T. Tag 10 people. 10? I'm skipping this since I have to tag 7 people later.

U. Unknown fact about me? Even I don't know it. You know, since it's unknown. 

V. Vegetable? Err...spinach?

W. Worst habit? Leaving things everywhere. 

X. X-ray or ultrasound? I think I'm due for an X-Ray!

Y. Your favorite foods? Seriously? I'm supposed to pick ONE out of a gazillion favourites?

Z. Zodiac sign? Gemini. I don't care what the new astrology report says but I'm ALWAYS a gemini.

He/she will have to come up with 7 interesting or random facts about themselves 

and then tag 7 other people to do the tag challenge. 

1. I wish I was American. Not white but maybe an Indian-American. 

2. I'm an introvert but I don't think introversion is cool. It's overrated. 

3. I can never have too many Famous Amos cookies. 

4. I sometimes feel like I'm Elle Woods, Blair Waldorf, Carrie Bradshaw, Sylvia Plath and Rachel Green in one person. 

5. I once dreamed of being an audio engineer. 

6. I cannot stand people who yell. 

7. I love cats but dogs have been attracting me lately. 

Tag 7 people: Rachel Tiffany, Stephanie Duke, Alyssa Koh, Charmain Sim, Luveeniya Sai, Juyi Wong, Shahma Ahmed and (I'll break the rule)...Sheu Quen! 

You're it! 

5 Things I Loved About Brisbane

A little outdated but I thought that it'll be great to finally talk about my spontaneous trip to Brisbane. I was going through a dark season at that time: a creative burn-out, the end of a friendship, lack of focus and dealing with rejection. It was an impulsive decision to book a flight just days before landing with my family, since I had initially said no to going with them. Looking back, I really think that it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Here's what I loved about Brisbane:

1. The Laid Back Culture
I loved that the locals would spread out their mats and lie on the grass, regardless if it's a work day or a weekend. It was odd to see people in corporate garb lying down on the grass after having their lunch. It was also odd to me that people walked slower, articulated their words properly and enjoyed simple things like grabbing beers after work and mowing the lawn. I liked that there were birds singing (though it did get a little bit annoying after a while), I liked that the weather was great and that people smiled at you when you smiled at them.


2. The Farmers' Market
One word: amazing! Lots of food (I had the best Danish pancakes and seafood paella), fresh produce, organic soaps/skincare, vintage clothes, old books, coffee trucks, live music, dogs! I looted a bunch of organic hemp seed soaps, a wide brimmed black hat and a book of poetry by Tolkien for the boyfriend. I wish I had taken more photos to capture the scene. Going to a farmers' market like this one was a great refresher from the wet pasar that I was used to back home.


3. The good food (and dessert, coffee, etc)
Swiss ice-cream, Italian gelato, Ben & Jerry's, soft serve. I went crazy with the bunch of ice-cream coupons I had. I found the taste a lot richer than the ones back home, the portions were generous and the variety was nicer. Same went to the food and coffee. It was so nice to be able to grab quality food for a good price, which all came with impeccable customer service. I had coffee every single day of the week that I was there and the best part was that I did not experience any form of acid reflux, lactose intolerance or tremors. My dad insists that it's the milk but I think otherwise.

4. The fact that people were nice and courteous
Growing up in Malaysia, I've been used to being around rude people and experiencing horrible customer service. I actually found it odd that people were generally friendly with 'how are you?'s thrown in almost all the time, even while paying for groceries. I like that the locals were helpful and that the service crew, from the train station staff to the waiter, were respectful and polite. The church that we went to (Anne Street) was beautiful and the people were so friendly. I'm really glad that my sister is plugged in there and growing in her faith with a bunch of people that really know the Word.


5. The overall vibe
I like that the vibe in the city was very liberating. I felt safe wondering alone around Queens Plaza and South Bank. It felt good to see women dress the way they want and speak however they want. It was nice to see a more matured side to a city: no litter, no one spitting by the side of the road, no cat-calling. I saw street musicians everywhere and people actually stopping to spare some change and to enjoy the music. My mom and I went on a Heritage Trail with a bunch of other tourists and it was a great experience to spend 2 hours exploring and learning about the city from a historical perspective. It was quite obvious that my family (especially my dad) had taken quite a liking to Brisbane.

The trip was refreshing, both creatively and personally. I came home armed with healthy ingredients and soaps to last till my next trip. I hope to have the chance to explore other parts of Australia, like Sydney, Adelaide and Perth. As of now, I can't wait to return in 2018 when my sister graduates!

The other side of 'millennial privilege'

'before you experience success, there will be this point where you will experience a lot of shit. but that's just how life works.' 

he said it in a less eloquent and in a more...'manglish' way in the meeting room the other day but it does hit home, at least to me.

i never considered myself a 'privileged millennial' and maybe that's why i've always felt different from my peers.

while my friends went off on holidays with the money that their parents provided them, i, on the other hand, only could travel once i started a regular job. while most of my friends studied abroad on the hard-earned wages inhabited by their parents, i had to complete my American degree at a local school and go on a special scholarship. while most of my 'millennial friends' grew up with iPhones and laptops being gifted to them by their parents, i had to earn my own money through the part-time job that i had whilst at college just to get that beat up Samsung Galaxy Y that only lasted me a year.

and as i cruise through life and see more of my millennial friends get jobs and continue to be spoon fed, i realize that life is unfair. i'm pretty sure that there are people who have it worse than me. i should know, because i've gone on enough mission trips and community outreach programs to know that people are going through stuff, sometimes involving matters of life and death.

once again, during a friendly catch up with my best friends, I felt small.
small because i'm the lowest paid of the group. small because they have embarked on adventures that i could only dream of but never go because i didn't have the money. small because my job in advertising is 'pitiful', that i have to answer to my boss and clients during the weekend or that i am sometimes expected to stay past 6pm and 'not have a life',

i had two ways to go about it: 1) throw a pity party for myself or, 2) work that situation and make the best out of it.

there will be a point in life where we can't blame our circumstances or our upbringing or the past. there will be a time in our lives that we, as adults, need to make choices and take responsibility for those choices. there will be a point in life where we have to suffer because suffering teaches us to be better people. because, in the words of my boss, sometimes you just have to go through shit in order to finally reap success.

and then I ask myself, how do i define success?
is success a four-billion dollar apartment or a Porsche? is success a passport filled with stamps or a Prada-filled closet? i guess success, to me, is not about the externals.
i would define success as that feeling you get when you see a smile on someone's face after you've helped them with something. success would also be achieving my goals that i have set for myself. my goals of community building in different parts of the world and the goal of being a kick-ass writer. success, to me, would also mean a handful of quality, fulfilling relationships where you know you can always fall back on the people you love.

as i finally come to a conclusion, i guess it's pretty simple for me. i was never born with a silver spoon and i don't think my life will get any easier or more luxurious than how it is right now. and i'm okay with that. i'm okay with doing a job that sharpens my skill as a communicator. i'm okay with saving up to travel the world on my own hard-earned cash. i'm okay with helping people, with learning to be humble and giving, to look out for the ones i love.

"Finally, graduates, our greatness has never, ever come from sitting back and feeling entitled to what we have.  It’s never come from folks who climb the ladder of success, or who happen to be born near the top and then pull that ladder up after themselves.  No, our greatness has always come from people who expect nothing and take nothing for granted -- folks who work hard for what they have then reach back and help others after them...

...I encountered students who had every advantage –- their parents paid their full tuition, they lived in beautiful campus dorms.  They had every material possession a college kid could want –- cars, computers, spending money. But when some of them got their first bad grade, they just fell apart.  They lost it, because they were ill-equipped to handle their first encounter with disappointment or falling short.

But, graduates, as you all know, life will put many obstacles in your path that are far worse than a bad grade.  You’ll have unreasonable bosses and difficult clients and patients.  You’ll experience illnesses and losses, crises and setbacks that will come out of nowhere and knock you off your feet.  But unlike so many other young people, you have already developed the resilience and the maturity that you need to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and keep moving through the pain, keep moving forward.  You have developed that muscle."

- Michelle Obama, excerpt from her speech at the City College of New York, 2016. 

Read the full speech here.

Body Painting for The Little Black Dress Project

body painting is a form of art that I've always thought about but kept hidden in the corner of my mind. To bring it closer to home, I've always been enraptured with henna art or tattoos or even just paint. I remember buying a henna cone and spending hours drawing traditional Indian patterns on my hands or for people. Art, in its many forms, has always been something that I've been passionate about. It was something that I couldn't really talk about with people.

but not till I met Sammi Lim. 

Sammi was my 'partner-in-crime' during my year at Time Out magazine and we were the only ones handling Malaysia, Penang and Kids, so we embarked on a lot of adventures together 'for the sake of art' and yes, the paycheck. We had our ups and downs but there was this one thing we've always had in common: a love for art. 

Prior to this, Sammi was a writer and body painter in New York and has exhibited her art in New York and Austria, all while maintaining a job as a writer. I still continue to be inspired by her love for the arts. 

So when she told me that she was embarking on a new body painting project called 'The Little Black Dress', I thought it would be a great opportunity to be part of it. The concept of the Little Black Dress project was to paint a series of LBDs (a staple in every woman's closet) on a few different girls to empower different body types, shed the stigma of nudity in art and to break the traditional mindset of how Malaysians viewed art. 

I was really excited when she asked me to be a part of it, coz I thought it would be cool to be the 'artist's assistant' or the photographer's assistant. Until I found out that I was asked to be one of the models. 

Hold it right there. 

To be a body paint model would mean that I had to bare my body. Part of me was super excited because, hello it's art! and of course, the thrill of doing something risqué that I've never done before. Then there was the other part (a smaller part) that was tuned into the conservative religious background that I came from. For some reason, I felt like I needed to do it. Not for the sake of art but for myself. 

I was never confident with my body. Growing up, I dealt with emotional bullying because I was picked on for being fat, I battled with horrible rounds of an eating disorder coupled with depression and the cycle continued until I left college. I did lose a lot of weight when I discovered Blogilates and followed her workouts but I was still uncomfortable. To bare my body to people other than myself was a scary thought, not because it was 'wrong' but because I feared that I would come across as ugly or fat. Indian women like me are not meant to look like chopsticks. It was time I embraced it. 

Volunteering to be a body paint model meant that I had to come to terms with the fact that my body is not perfect, that it will never be, but it doesn't mean that I can't take care of it. I saw past the fact that I had to be semi-naked in front of a photographer and artist. I saw past the fact that I might get into trouble for being 'cheap'. In retrospect, I'm glad I did it. 

Fast forward to today and The Little Black Dress Project is now exhibited at Penang's prestigious George Town Festival. I'm so proud of Sammi for all that she has accomplished in her journey as an artist. As a fellow art enthusiast and artist myself, I think this is a huge deal. When we met up for drinks yesterday, I found out that she was interviewed on TV for Astro Awani about her body painting story. Amazing!

Check out the George Town Festival details here. 

photo creds: GTF 2016
I'm on the right! (yes, with the cigarette)

The portraits will be exhibited at Chulia Court. That place brings me great memories because it was one of the places that I reviewed for Time Out Penang back when I was handling the nightlife portions. To see myself exhibited there is a surreal feeling that I know I will smile about when I'm 80 and wrinkly and incapable of any form of sensuality.

photo credits: Light Show Photography (Shahril Saifol)

Photo credits: Sammi Lim

I won't be able to make it for the exhibition this month due to the two big campaigns that I'm involved in for work, so I won't be able to see these beautiful pieces of art. If you can, do take a road trip to Penang and support the local arts scene throughout this month for George Town Festival. 

Thank you, Sammi and Shahril (master photographer behind Light Show Photography) for having me in this project. 

Through this, I hope Malaysians will be more open to the concept of nudity in art as a form of expression and not for a reason to judge people and to keep prejudices. 

Thoughts on facing the truth

I guess there are some truths that we've gotta accept about ourselves.

Like me, for instance.
I'm not a marketer or an advertiser. I'm a writer.

I stitch words into sentences with hopes of conveying a message that's filled with some form of meaning. I don't stitch measly words just to sell a product. That's not me. That has never been me. So I ask myself, what happened? What happened between the time when I was fresh out of college and ready to be a writer and conquer the world? What happened when I did eventually become a writer for a magazine that I didn't really wanna work for? And now, I'm asking myself how did I end up as a marketing/advertising creative where there seems to be no meaning in the copy that I write for clients.

I guess I've had enough but truth to be told, I feel stuck. I feel like there is something in me that needs to burst forth. Something that has been hidden for a long period of time. Maybe that's why I started this blog, so that I could reconnect with myself as a writer. I'm a writer. I've always been a writer since I was eleven. Writing, to me, was like breathing. I made up my mind that I was gonna be a writer when I first flipped the pages of Seventeen when I was secretly reading it in high school.

If writing was like breathing to me, why do I struggle so much in the office? Why do I struggle to fork out copy for brands that I feel nothing for? How did I end up circling myself in this line called advertising?

I want to believe that dreams come true. I want to believe that I will be a features writer or a features editor of a high profile fashion & lifestyle magazine. But when I think about it, it all seems so far away. Like a dream that will only retain itself in the dusty corner of my brain. People say that writing doesn't not pay the bills. Who cares about what people think? I've come to accept that writing is an art form that will always be undervalued, underpaid and underestimated. Writing has changed the world yet people refuse to acknowledge its power. I don't need to start on writers who have changed the world with their books, articles and periodicals because it's all out there.

I made a mistake. But at least I've accepted the truth.
Will I ever make it to being a features editor of a magazine? I don't know but I want to believe that I will make it one day. As for now, I press on and do whatever I can to never let that precious dream die because I know that I will sorely regret it.

What is it that you've been hiding lately?
Maybe it's time to look deep into yourself and accept the parts that were meant to be.

Exploring Seoul Through Sulwhasoo

Just barely three days since returning from Korea and I've already booked a flight to my next destination: i'll reveal this soon as the weeks draw closer. 

Korea was a blast. The only reason why I was in Korea was because my team and I had to shoot a special VR (Virtual Reality) project for one of Amore Pacific's brands, Sulwhasoo. If you're ever in Gangnam, go check out Sulwhasoo's flagship store, so intricately designed by Neri & Hu, an award-winning design duo. I didn't take a lot of photos of the store because I was too busy working, admiring the store, trying samples, etc. I think I tried waaay too many samples.

The view right when I woke up! It was 5am and I had woken up from a brief nap. Midnight flights are my favorite kind of flights for long-distance traveling because it's quiet. It does get uncomfortable to sleep on the flight but fortunately, I was too tired from a long day and slept like a baby. 

The rooftop event space at Sulwhasoo's flagship store! I love love love the design of this entire building, but my favorite place was definitely this one. The six-storey store boasts in two spas, VIP lounges, workshop areas and retail spaces. Upon entering, you'll be treated to soothing iced green tea and if you're lucky, an ampoule with ginseng extract for the extra kick.

Of course, the food was awesome! The Korean BBQ was my favorite besides this heavenly piece of Nutella and banana crepe, one of the many street foods you'll find in Myeong Dong, the shopping haven of the city.

I took a bunch of photos but I was too lazy to edit all.

I really enjoyed Korea. It was definitely a country that I had been wanting to tick off my travel bucket list. To be able to travel there for business was a plus, though I believe I would have enjoyed it more if I was there for leisure instead of work. Seoul is pretty safe for solo travel, though the cost of living can be pretty high (if you're coming from Malaysia). I was pretty happy to have had the experience of seeing another country. I doubt I'll be jumping onto the k-pop bandwagon but I must say that external beauty seems to be a thing around here. Be prepared to see an army of well-dressed, beautiful women and a whole load of beauty shops in the city. I hope I'll be able to go back again, perhaps to Busan or to Jeju Island.

P.S. Yes, I bought too many sheet masks (how could I resist a packet of RED WINE sheet masks?) #noregrets

In-flight skin talk and musings on career satisfaction

I'll be leaving to Korea in one day for what I would call a 'workcation', since I'd obviously want to spend time exploring Seoul and Gangnam. It still hasn't dawned upon me that I've reached a point in my career where I am able to travel internationally. Previously, my stint as a travel writer covered local content, so I would be flying off to Penang (mostly) or joining media trips to other parts of Malaysia.

Truth to be told, I miss the media life. I miss being able to brainstorm fresh content for a new issue with a team of creatives. I miss being able to write longform articles instead of the short blurbs that I write now. I also miss meeting new people, attending new openings and gaining fresh inspiration just by researching for an article or conducting interviews and organizing photo shoots.

People say that a job in the media doesn't 'pay the bills'. However, when I look at the very people who say that, those killing it with the formal attire and the high paycheck, I see that they are not happy. After speaking to a few people in my network, I find that most of them are not happy or fulfilled with the career that allows them to have a hefty paycheck. I look at my situation now, with the long working hours, client meetings, occasionally hell-ish circumstances and the high pressure that comes with advertising, I find myself unhappy and unfulfilled despite the high(er) income than what I used to earn when I was in media.

I'll definitely be thinking a lot about satisfaction and salaries during the six-hour flight. In the mean time, I thought of sharing my in-flight beauty essentials. I've never been much of a beauty junkie (until now) but ever since my addiction to beauty vlogs and such, I started an in-flight beauty routine since my last trip to Australia a few months ago. Six to eight hours in a plane is no joke.

Here's what I make sure I have with me:

1. Reading materials. I consider reading as a part of a beauty routine because refreshing your mind and injecting yourself with new ideas and thoughts is part of the beauty journey, at least for me. I think a beautiful mind outshines a beautiful face and I love reading books and magazines that inspire me. One of which are magazines like ELLE, Harper's BAZAAR or PORTER (especially if it's my #KarlieKween on the cover) and a good book. I read "French Women Don't Get Fat" by Mireille Guiliano on my flight back to KL from Gold Coast and I found it so hard to put down because Mireille writes about french culture, beauty and food in a witty and informative way. More on this when I get back!

2. Hair serum. My hair tends to frizz (#curlyhairproblems) because of the dry nature of the cabin. I decided to try out Botaneco Garden's Organic Argan & Virgin Olive Oil hair serum since I've heard a lot about the power of argan oil to tame flyaways and bring moisture back to the hair. It's less that 95ml, so I'm positive that I will be allowed to bring this in on the flight.

3. Sheet mask. You'll never hear the end of my adoration for this. I only decided to try out a sheet mask in the plane because it's gonna be six hours of flying at midnight, so I might as well fulfill my sheet mask quota (I do it twice a week) for the week. I decided to try the Jeju Lily Face Mask by Guardian, only because The Face Shop is not available at my area. I'm gonna be meeting international media and the Korean clients once I land, so I might as well wake up to fresher skin and feel good.

4. Lip balm. Same reason regarding dryness but I try not to wear lipstick or any makeup for long flights, so I resort to a tiny lip balm for moisture. I've been keeping this Born Lippy Passionberry lip balm by The Body Shop for some time and I find that it doesn't really absorb into my lips but it does the work of keeping lips moist. Oh well.

5. Facial wipes. I keep this in my bag just in case my skin looks dull from the flight and I need a quick fix-it before landing. I usually have this in my bag at all times, regardless of whether I'm traveling or not. I like Simple's Kind to Skin Cleasing Facial Wipes because it's designed for people with sensitive skin like me.


I've not packed but I'm excited because I'll be meeting new people, exploring new places and yes, I'm definitely coming home with an armful of sheet masks and instant kimchi ramen. To be honest, the last thing on my mind is work but I know *fingers crossed* that I'll be able to get the job done.



Till then,
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the one with the outdoor adventures and kbeauty madness

I've not had a proper holiday since I started my new job, so these past five days have been really rejuvenating. i think i've spent close to 70% of the holidays being outdoors and working out while the rest was spent watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. at home and chilling with my parents + boyfriend.

i did cheat on my holiday and went back to the office on Saturday afternoon for about 4-5 hours (#workaholicproblems) but there's this big project coming up for Amore Pacific that I'm highly involved which, comically, has made me a bit of a Kbeauty (korean beauty) skincare convert.

this particular brand under AP is a luxury skincare client and unexpectedly, creating content for them has made me do so much research into red ginseng, skincare, sheet masks, serums, etc which eventually led me into jumping into this black hole of kbeauty that i think i'm never gonna get out of off. i have not purchased a bottle of serum (yet) but i've heard that it does wonders to a basic skincare routine.

as of now, i've been obsessed with sheet masks. i've tried a few brands but I seem to like The Face Shop's Red Ginseng face mask and Bio-Essence's Bio-Energy Snail Secretion Repair Mask. some people have the luxury to do it every night but for me, twice a week is enough.

i don't know if this is a sad thing but i think i've become a victim of my own marketing. writing all these digital beauty content for AP has suddenly turned me into a skincare convert that i now cleanse, tone, moisturize and exfoliate when once upon a time, i didn't even care if there were blackheads on my nose!
the only good thing about wearing the sheet mask is that it forces me to lie down and relax, something I am not prone to do because I'm always doing something and I hate not doing something. to combat my boredom, I decided to listen to guided meditation (I currently love Boho Beautiful) while letting the mask work its magic on my face.


other than that, I've been pushing myself to try out different ways of working out so I've reverted to hiking + body weight workouts. i used to be a gym freak but i realized that i don't have to spend so much money on a gym membership when there's the option of working out for free at home.

i decided to make the most of my neighborhood and popped by the Ulu Kanching waterfall next door (literally 2 mins from my door step) and hiked up the trail. sadly, i was wearing slippers (because i can really be a silly goose at times), so the trail was getting slippery as we journeyed higher, plus my irrational fears of encountering an iguana (or a tiger) made me stop and backtrack.
lesson learnt: 1) wear proper shoes and 2) push through the fear.

i also checked out Bukit Gasing, one of my colleague's brilliant idea, when we planned a hiking trip between the three of us. initially, we wanted to head over to the Commonwealth Park near my house but since it rained at 6am, we changed course and decided to check out this spot in PJ.
[pinching myself now for not taking photos!]

it feels good to be active, especially with great company.
one of the things i love about being active is learning to appreciate the beauty of creation, like the trees, the sky and animals. i hope to get over my fear of reptiles, though. i'm also addicted to the endorphin rush that permeates the body after a really good work out.

also, body weight workouts! i can't seem to get enough of working out with POPSUGAR Fitness. Sometimes, they have a combination of free weights + body weight training but I think what gets me going is Anna Renderer, PF's master trainer who has an incredible amount of infectious enthusiasm.

i sound like i'm doing some marketing over here.
well, if i love something, i'll naturally share it or talk about it.
but really, I highly recommend sheet masks (of the korean variety) and the outdoors as a great way to relax. and if you're ever stuck in a fitness rut (honestly, the treadmill is a waste of time), DO BODY WEIGHT WORKOUTS!

Check out these places in the Klang Valley if you're interested in hiking:
Bukit Tabur
Taman Rimba Komanwel (Commonwealth Park)
Bukit Gasing 
Bukit Saga, Cheras 
Broga Hill
Templer's Park 

I'm sure i missed out a few but if you know of any more places to hike in other parts of Malaysia (other regions in Southeast Asia are also welcomed), just shoot me a comment!

contentment is on the other side of comparison

in my mind's eye, i see the world as having two types of societies:

1) the ones that tell you to climb up the corporate ladder, earn a chunk of money, settle down and live a middle class (if you're lucky, upper class) existence till the day you die. 

2) and then there's what i like to call, the 'new society': the ones that judge you based on how well-traveled you are, or how brave you are to have quit your 9-5 job and started your own gig while traveling the world, or how noble you are for abandoning option no.1 and doing life the 'hipster' and 'unconventional' way. 

like many post-digital millennial zombies, i've always felt trapped in between the two societies, though i mostly lean to option no.2 (maybe some of you too).

for a while there, i had bouts of feeling sorry for myself coupled with sessions of telling myself to focus on my goals, but i would usually end up distraught and wondering why i'm no #digitalnomad or #livingauthentic but stuck in my advertising job, clocking in and out, and living a 'regular life'. 

it's not that i've not tried to apply for jobs overseas. i have. 

it's not that i don't want to travel. i can't travel as and when i like because travel involves money and money doesn't fall out from the sky. i may have the luxury of traveling once a year but that's about it, with the type of salary I'm earning. 

thankfully, i woke up this morning and had a new perspective. 

as i observed the sun rising triumphantly above the clouds, i decided to give thanks. 

and i decided that i will live my life as how i see fit whether or not it goes against what's trending or what societies no.1 or no.2 say. no one should put themselves under any form of pressure to be what society tells them to be. no one should compare themselves with what other people are doing. everyone is entitled to how they want to live their lives, whether or not it's climbing up the corporate ladder or 'forsaking all for the sake of #wanderlust'. 

to recap, here are three things that I'm thankful for: 

1. People: specifically my parents and my sister, my boyfriend, my Crave superheroes and my best friends + people that I care about and highly respect

2. Career: I didn't get into the fashion & lifestyle industry though magazines as how I hoped I would, but i made it work by going through another door: digital advertising. I'm excited (and scared) to work for upcoming (big) projects for big brands that will stretch me out of my comfort zone and take my portfolio to the next level. 

3. Life: I'm thankful for the chance to live. To breathe. To chase dreams. To laugh. To love. To travel.

do yourself a favour and stop comparing. stop comparing with the #digitalnomad and stop comparing with the workaholic. do life your way. contentment and joy is on the other side, waiting to embrace you. write down your goals and dreams and work for it. shut off the noise and listen to your intuition. please go out there and live. stop wasting money on self-help books but pick yourself up and do what you need to do. stop living vicariously online and go on an adventure with yourself. just go out there and do it. eat well, sleep well, live well. most importantly, take care of yourself. 

like how a wise woman once told me, 'living well is more than just organic fruit.'

i hope that you'll find the wisdom in that too. 

maybe the detour is a spark

truth to be told, i'm exhausted. 

i get up and ask myself, 'what exactly am i doing?'

i never imagined myself to be doing something other than my 'dream job'. for the longest time, i've always wanted to be in magazines. not just any kind of magazines, but magazines like Porter, Esquire or Vanity Fair. I would imagine myself as a features writer, profiling notable individuals, writing about culture, art, beauty, style, etc. 

i never thought that i would end up in social media, a job that never existed when i was 14 and excitedly flipping through magazines, dreaming that i would work for one in the future. 

i did, actually. 

i had applied to two magazines, one that was the dream magazine and the other was a backup, in case i didn't get the one i wanted. just as how i predicted, i got the backup and i accepted the offer (thinking that i need to start somewhere eventually), worked at it and realized how powerless i felt writing for a magazine that i didn't care about. 

i had applied to a few more magazines but nothing was working out. eventually, i had to come up with a plan B and that's how I ended up in social media and digital copywriting. i love the job, i even wrote an entire blog post about what i do, but there's that gnawing feeling of not achieving my old dream, a dream that i once held so deeply, a dream that i worked so hard for only to never see it come to pass and to eventually give up. 

so, here's the part of my life that i call a detour. 

i'm writing this to encourage those out there who are the dreamers, specifically the dreamers who did not achieve their dream because of unexpected circumstances. 

perhaps we can see the detour as a means of self-growth. 

perhaps the skills that we're gaining through the 'detour' phase will push us out of our comfort zones and spark a new dream. 

perhaps the detour is a way to bring us back to our old dream, this time with new skills, new perspectives and fresh inspiration. 

i hope you will be able to rekindle that flame that once sparked the birth of your dream. 

i hope i will do the same too. 

what on earth do you do for a living?

it's been three months since my stint at a digital agency as a social media manager and a lot of people have been asking me about my job. most of their queries entail 'what do i do' to 'how do i do it' and and lots of others in-between.
even my mom doesn't quite know what i do for a living!

social media marketing is a relatively new role in the business and marketing industry. most of them function under the PR & Marketing wing of a company or some of them (like me) function on its own. i can understand why people (mostly in Malaysia) are still blur to this new concept. sometimes, even i get a bit overwhelmed and confused to what i'm actually doing.

i decided to type out this simple post on what i actually do as a social media manager, especially for those who are curious about this line of work or for those who might be thinking of jumping onto this new digital field. please note that the role differs from company to company. i will just share what i've been doing in these last three months. i currently manage two clients on social media while playing the copywriter/content writer role for two other brands.

8am-10am
although my working hours begin at 9am, i usually begin my work around 8.15am when i'm in the train on the way to work. after all, all i need is just my phone and data connection. i start with scrolling Instagram and catching up on what i missed the night before. i reply to comments on my clients' accounts, scour the feed, check on the brands' competitors and if i have content to post, i usually post around this time because most people are active on Instagram at this hour due to the heavy commuting traffic.

once i reach the office, i get cracking on my emails and log in to Twitter to check on advertising/marketing trends, including industry news that's related to my clients (i currently manage a fashion brand, a beauty brand and an energy/motorsports sponsor). i also spend this time doing a lot of reading on content marketing, social media news and OCCASIONALLY, celebrity gossip or cute cat videos.


11am-12.30noon
sometimes, i have client meetings or internal team meetings. if it's a team meeting, that's when we discuss our progress or collaborate on existing projects. i'm also involved in brainstorming where we create digital campaigns, etc. i work very closely with multimedia designers, web developers and project managers to ensure that we're on the same page. occasionally, i conduct fashion shoots for a client to create visual content for social media. this sometimes involves working with influencers. if i have a shoot coming up, i usually spend this part of the day developing the mood board, the shoot concept and organizing the location, date, budget, etc.


1.30pm-4pm
this is when i start my on my copywriting/content writing projects for other clients. i find this to be the most difficult part of my job, which is why i do it in the afternoon because i find that this frame of the day is my optimal hour for writing. some people enjoy writing in the morning or late at night, but i find myself more productive when it comes to writing during the afternoon. must be the energy from lunch. this is when i play my music and tune off so that i can concentrate better while writing but i OCCASIONALLY goof off and check Pinterest or Tumblr when I'm stuck/in need for inspiration
sometimes, i may have client meetings, other product/lifestyle shoots happening around this time but i make it a point to schedule the writing bit for the afternoon.


4.30pm-6.30pm
once i'm done writing, i usually leave the entire thing and start on scheduling my Facebook posts for the month. this is when I organize the editorial content calendar and queue the posts, so that I can forget about it once I've set it to 'schedule'. Because this particular client is a huge motorspots sponsor, i will usually save the motorsports-related posts as a draft and update as needed.
once i'm done with scheduling, i'll go back to the copy that i wrote in the afternoon and begin editing it. i find that it's easier to edit copy once your brain has stepped out of something completely different.


6.30pm-8.30pm
before leaving the office, i will check the social media channels of my clients' for the last time. i also use this time to write my to-do list for the next day so that i wont waste time in the morning figuring out what i need to do. on a good day, i leave the office at 6.30pm (official working hours end at 6pm) but if there's a deadline, I stay as late as 8pm.


this is just a rundown of my schedule but it differs from day to day because there will be unexpected meetings, fashion shoots that take up the entire day or worse, a day when my creative juices refuse to budge. i find that in order to succeed in this line, you definitely need to be an expert organizer and a content creator with the mind of an analyst and a bit of a 'kaypoh' news hunter. it can be a lot to juggle but for those who thrive in an 'organized chaos' (like me) setting, then this might be the job for you.

if you'd like to read more about social media, check out Hootsuite's blog. they have some pretty interesting stuff up there.

the great outdoors

the last three weekends have been filled with outdoorsy adventures. The morning sun, the cool breeze, the immense sweating and the endorphin rush. I never really had weekends where I could enjoy the outdoors because I was always stuck in church for the last 21 years of my life. Glad that I can finally be out to enjoy creation instead of just talking about it.

two saturdays ago, I was out with my colleagues at Tadom Hill where we got our beast mode on and battled the obstacle course and rock climbing before jumping into this lake. As I swam in a pool of blue, I just enjoyed the feel of being in the water. I've always been a water baby, having pestered my mom to always take me swimming. i don't mean to sound so cliche but there's just something about being in the water that makes me feel serene and grounded.

then,
there was my birthday weekend. I insisted on not celebrating my birthday but trust my boyfriend to plan a surprise picnic where he made mac 'n cheese, brought watermelon cubes and a bottle of pear cider for me. everything was packed neatly in the brown picnic basket (just the way i like it) and brought to me right after I completed a round of cycling along the metropolitan park trail. i was so disappointed that i didn't get to cycle in the morning because it had rained but he 'suggested' that i cycle in the evening while he jogged (which was obviously a ploy for the picnic).

and of course, the icing on the cake 

I MET CASSEY HO OF BLOGILATES LIKE WHAT EVEN.
today, I pushed myself out of bed at 7.30am and made my way to Desa Park City where I took a live POP Pilates class with Cassey. I've been following her workout videos religiously since 2012 and to finally see her in real life was just...what. is. my. life.
When I finally hugged her, I almost cried. I couldn't believe that I was seeing her in the flesh. This was truly a bucket list item that I never ever thought I would tick. And I achieved all this with my best friend, the ever-amazing Ju Yi who totally cheered me on while I was dying in sweat throughout the workout.

can you believe that i did forty-five minutes of yoga with Jojo Struys and forty-five minutes of pilates with Cassey - all without breakfast!
I made it out alive and I'm ecstatic to end my birthday month on such a high note.
It's been a simple month of quiet celebration, a month of new adventures and a month of enjoying the last 30 days of being twenty-three, a very defining year of my life.

and now, to embrace the soreness 

that which will commence tomorrow. 

at least it's the good kind of pain.

happy 24th

today is the last day of my 23rd year.

in retrospect, I'm thankful for the biggest and smallest moments that made up the year.
i used to blog on a completely different (and anonymous) space before I finally decided to start afresh.

what better way to start afresh on my 24th year.
and what an even better way to start this online space by being grateful:


i. the firsts
i had a lot of my conventional firsts in this year - firsts that i didn't imagine i would have because of my past patterns of thought. i had my first overseas trip, first job, first battle with cigarette addiction, first wild party, first body painting modeling stint, etc. bottom line: a year of popping cherries (yes, this includes the real fruit).

ii. wanderlust
this is something that i'm shamelessly proud of because i self-funded my trips to Taiwan and Australia. to be honest, i didn't even think that i would set foot in Australia because it was suuuch a last minute trip but since i had the money, i just took the leap and did it. it brought a sense of accomplishment to me to know that i paid for memorable experiences through my own hard work. i've never traveled overseas before (Singapore doesn't count) because of the lack of finances but to be able to travel is just the best feeling in the world.

iii. i became a writer!
i've always wanted to write for magazines and to have worked in a publishing house for a brief stint was a big blessing. i remembered how i panicked because i had a psychology degree and no background in journalism except for a few published articles here and there. the highlight: writing for Esquire Malaysia (!!!)

iv. love 
i've been a relationship for a long time - to be able to finally have our families meet over dinner was indescribable. i say indescribable because our relationship suffered emotional hell for a good amount of years. i never thought that i would ever be in a (forbidden) relationship, let alone be in such a sticky situation. this is a huge deal for me and something i'm super thankful for. all those years of tears were worth it. "for you, a thousand times over."

v. scented candles
i totally underestimated the power of a really good scent. in the wake of my clean bedroom, i decided to introduce a set of vanilla tea lights and i went crazy when Yankee Candle had their annual sale. i know this is not for some people but just a simple act of lighting up a scented candle and breathing a different kind of air is just something i'm thankful for.

vi. friendships
i'm thankful for the friendships that i have and the friendships that i have discarded. it took great courage to remove the people who were bringing me down, people who didn't care about me as much as i cared about them and people who were just plain nasty. as someone who is recharged by company, i find that i am no longer interested in people who are purely interested in themselves.

vii. family
it just dawned upon me that Australia was our first family overseas trip. i'm thankful that i have a good relationship with my parents. i'm thankful that the turbulent years have passed and that the four of us acknowledge and respect each other as adults. i'm thankful that my sister has gone off for her own adventures and that she took the bold step to make her musical dreams come true.

viii. self-growth
i'm thankful that i have matured and slowed down (emotionally). i'm thankful that i'm more confident, a tad bit more extroverted and more assertive. i'm thankful that i pushed myself out of my comfort zone, met new people, embarked on difficult journeys and came out alive. my resolution for my 24th year is not to be so hard on myself and to celebrate my accomplishments. i learned that the grass is never greener on the other side.

ix. a work #squad
i'm thankful to work with people of diverse cultures (Syria, Uganda, Maldives, Indonesia, Pakistan and yes, Malaysia), people who care about each other and people who are extremely talented self-learners. I didn't think that I would blend so well in this new agency but I did. I could never ask for better colleagues, or in this case, a better work family.

and lastly,

x. to live till the ripe age of 24
the call of death is uncertain. our time on this earth is not determined by us. simply put, i'm thankful to live for another year. my hope for this year is that i will live circumspectly and wholeheartedly, living not just for myself but for a greater purpose.