one week into the new year and honestly, it's been a good kind of difficult. "difficult" in a sense that my grandpa has been in the hospital for colon cancer surgery, so there's a lot of running around to do. also, i have a dissertation proposal to write (because I have been accepted! *happy dance*) and other documentation to settle. let's not even talk about how i have not begun the job hunting process to fund my life while I'm studying. other than that, i had some fun times with friends and embarking on some of my personal projects, so all's good!
here's a recap of 2016 that i've been meaning to share:
#1: my year of traveling
i was ecstatic that i had been to three countries and three of which i didn't plan for. okay lah, three countries is nothing for some of you, but for a non-traveler person like me who had to wait to get a paycheck in order to travel, this is a big (no, a HUGE) deal for me.
In February, i YOLO-ed and went to Brisbane. in July, I was sent to Seoul for a business project with Amore Pacific and in September, I decided to meet my parents in Jakarta after their mission trip in the outskirts. the one thing that i'm thankful for (okay, two things): that i flew alone and handled the longer flights/customs/security well and also, the habit of saving up my cash. honestly, i wouldn't have been able to do all this had i not been saving up a portion of my income since the day i started working.
#2: making friends from all over the world
i'm happy that i can now say that i have good friends from parts of the world that i never thought i would have friends from, like maldives, uganda, syria, indonesia and turkey. it's been an interesting journey, getting to know these people who are just geniuses in their fields. i think there's something beautiful that happens when there's an assimilation of different cultures working together, of course there are the good times and the bad times but with these awesome ones, it's been a fun journey of weathering the storm (of one person from the pits) together.
#3: shedding the concept of "feminism"
before the majority of people who decided to be feminists because it was trendy, i was one long before it became cool. i remember reading about it in school during one of those boring Moral classes and thought,
"yeah, way to go, women!". the good thing about that was that i had cultivated an independent personality and i learned that empowering women was one way to change the world.
however, as the years went and people like Lena Dunham came along, i started questioning this concept. i didn't get how girls were calling themselves "feminists" but were clingy ass girlfriends who needed their boyfriend every single time and worse, treating them like a slave. i didn't get how girls called themselves "feminists" but had an A+ in throwing shade and being bitchy to other women instead of seeking to understand each other and being compassionate.
i didn't understand why women felt the need to walk around naked or burn their bras. instead of doing all that, why don't these women teach English to girls who lack education in some parts of the world? why can't these women donate or volunteer with charities that focus on the welfare of abused/underprivileged women and girls? like really, you guys ruined feminism for me. after a while, i decided that no, I am not a feminist but i am a woman who empowers.
as i became serious with my boyfriend, i learned that it is okay to let the men take the lead and make some decisions. i learned that it is okay to have a career while caring for your family, but it is not okay to hate on men, it is not okay to put down women who have chosen different lives for themselves (like motherhood) and hell, it is not okay to elevate yourself as someone better than the rest. if you feel the need to do all that, then i suggest that you go back to junior high.
#4 going back to my asian roots
all my life, i wanted to be american. okay, at least to live in a white country. but now, i'm just like nahhhhhh. two things that opened my eyes to how silly i was to have such a thought: 1) kpop and 2) the U.S. Elections. i was one of those asians teenagers who grew up on a steady diet of american TV shows, american music and american talk shows. it was good. i like the humor, i loved the shows but i always felt that it wasn't something that i could fully relate to. once i had gotten into kpop (you can thank two of my colleagues for that), i began researching more and more about the asian culture, indian culture and realized that the under-representation of indians in the media is just...hardly anything. i began to love the concept of collectivism, the concept of filial piety and slowly grew disinterested to *some* western ideals. i think going back to my roots has made me less individualistic? idk, my mom needs to clarify this.
#5: realizing that i'm ready to spend my whole life with one person
i was grabbing coffee/matcha latte with my best friend one night and we were talking about relationships and such and she mentioned something like,
"i think if i was single, i will be able to do more. is that how you feel too?".
To my utter shock and horror, my answer was no. I was even flabbergasted at myself as I uttered that word. In my mind, I was like,
"Wow Carissa, you who once felt like you needed to achieve something, you who once felt like you were nothing if you were attached. YOU WHO ONCE THOUGHT THAT MARRIAGE WASN'T FOR YOU"
but that's the thing: i have always been my own person. i have always been independent. i have achieved my writer's goals. i have traveled. i have accomplished 6/8 of the goals that i had set my mind to and right now, i wanna achieve the next 2/8 with the person who shares the same dreams and goals as me. i'm lucky to have found that one person who shares similar interests, similar personality traits, similar ways of doing things and similar core beliefs. i kept replaying that conversation in the cafe in my head to finally realize that yes, i am ready.
mann, that piece of humble pie was a huge slice for me.
i guess Kylie Jenner put it best when she said
"I feel like this year is really about like, the year of just realizing stuff."
can't believe that I'm quoting the baby Kay but jyeahhh.
if there is one GIF to sum up how 2016 has been for me, it would be this:
