Forward and onward

You know what's more liberating than gorging on a piece of triple fudge chocolate cheesecake after a week of no-nonsense, clean eating, almost-dying dieting?
Answer: Forgiveness.


It's two more weeks to the New Year and with this free time that I have right now, I thought a lot about the things that used to plague me and I think I realized that it's time for me to take responsibility for the things I did. It's slowly dawning upon me that I'm turning 25 *inhale exhale* next year and that there are some things I need to leave behind in order to move on.


One thing I'd like to leave behind is this illogical perception that I'm "invisible". I've shied away from social media for a long time and kept myself hidden because I was afraid of how people perceived me.

Now that I think about it, I think I was afraid of how I perceived myself *jeng jeng jeng*. 

And I wanna get out of that. I want to feel comfortable in front of a camera as how I feel too comfortable being behind it. I want to own that room instead of slithering at the food section, hoping no one would realize that I had one too many cake pops. We all have a voice. And it's time that I use mine.

The other thing that I'd like to leave behind is holding on to hurt. Well, I will admit that going invisible has allowed me to face my demons head on and it helped me let go of sad events that left a scar in me. I take responsibility for my immaturity, for my insecurity and for the unpleasant ways that I handled situations and people in the past.

I think it's time that I forgive myself for I was only 19-21 years old with the maturity of a tadpole, so I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I was vulnerable, desperate to belong and just plain stupid. Now that I have realized my mistakes and acknowledged them, I think it's high time that I move on.


For 2017, I want to be kinder to people and to myself. I want to love people without expecting anything in return. Sounds like something only a divine being can do but hey, I'm gonna try. There are a lot of people who take pride in "not caring about anything or anyone" and I don't want to be that anymore. I don't want to march around saying "screw the world!" when actually, I feel differently inside. So yeah, enough of that.

I'm pretty excited for 2017. I'm excited to turn 25.
And I'm excited (and terrified) for what's in store.