because when i really evaluate the situation, i realize that i'm doing just fine

someone once told me that i should learn the rules like a pro so that i can break them. 

i can't remember who that someone is but all i know is that this someone plagiarized this concept from Pablo Picasso *insert laughing crying emoji*

at this point in my life, i am overworked, jaded and sucked dry. 

i have invested so much of myself into work and people and other things that should not consumer my energy and time that i've forgotten to water my own garden. 

i used to be so carefree and spontaneous. deep inside me, there was a free-spirited girl but as i learned the ropes of #adulting, i began to keep my fist tight. 

i had to shut that little girl inside me but now, i feel like it's all coming out. 

and you know what? i want her to come out. 

all my life, i've lived on the principles that i've built for myself and i think i have proven that i can do this. i used to think so poorly of myself but as i charter through life, i find that i'm actually doing okay. i don't mean to sound perasan but i think i'm doing a lot better and i should keep at it and stop telling myself that i'm not. in the words of warren-kwek-the-great, i need to stop being a reductionist. 

i've started saying no to things that i can't handle, especially at work.

i'm starting to allow myself to feel things again fully knowing that i will accept the repercussions that will occur when some decisions are made through #feels. 

basically, i'm starting to break the rules that i've set for myself.  

which has been the modus operandi of my life when i think about all the times i broke the very things i've built. lmao i see a pattern here. 

i'm happy to go off the grid when i fly off to Brisbane in 3 days and i think i'm gonna come back a different person (well, if i know myself, i would actually be the same but just a version of myself that has been me all along but was so held back). 

i might disappoint people, but that's fine. people have disappointed me so much but i'm still alive and breathing. i'm sure they will be too.

i might be seen as reckless but that's okay as long as i accept responsibility for the actions that stem from the reckless behavior. 

so actually raaaaaaiight, after i evaluate the whole thing, ekcelliii i think i'm doing just fine. 

i just need to cut myself some slack. 

just wanna be like my karlie kween 

now excuse me as i go back to listening to my preet playlist 

while enjoying a cup of instant seafood ramen.