hello from West End!
i'm currently chilling in my sister's room before i begin my journey to Coolongata Airport with an overweight cabin bag that's filled with food (lmao such a malaysian) and secretly hoping that i won't kena tangkap at security.
before embarking on this trip that i've been anticipating since my first trip in feb 2016, i was burnt out, jaded, angry and tired with life. honestly, that was the similar situation i found myself in two years ago when i dropped everything and hopped on the first flight to Australia. and as i expected, taking in the sight and sounds of brisbane city, south bank and sunshine coast was everything i needed to recharge.
this past week, i found myself detoxified physically, mentally, spiritually and socially. it was good to be away from work and from my life in KL. for once, my life back home didn't exist and that felt so good. but as the days passed, i knew that it was time to go home and begin again with the lessons i've learned this past week:
#1: when you treat your body like a temple, it will show on your countenance
everything i ate (ok lah, 95% of it) was healthy, unprocessed, green, fibrous and high-protein. i passed every opportunity for the usual sweet treats that i would normally reach for but instead, i dared myself to try new things like kombucha, golden latte, spelt, buckwheat, coconut-based froyo, raw/paleo wraps and greek salads. i indulged in organic coffee and fresh produce just coz i had the chance and i cannot even begin to talk about how energetic i felt every single day and it was amazing to see my skin clear up bit by bit (well, that was also thanks to my 5-step japanese wakame skincare routine that i haphazardly purchased before this trip). it was amazing to complete my 3km run across alexandra parada at sunshine coast without stopping (at 6.30am) and the energy i felt after was the kind i always craved back home. i did not even plan to be healthy, it just came naturally. it felt so good.
#consume mindfully
this phrase kept popping up in my head everyday as i ate, listened to music and met new people. i think it's time for me to be more protective of my energy and the things/conversations that i consume on a daily basis. being an ambivert, i always found that i had the ability have the best of both worlds; i was able to be extroverted and outgoing and at the same time, enjoyed silence and recharging alone. yet, i lost sight of that back home as i found myself mindlessly consuming the company of people that drained me and did not allow myself to recharge from my very busy life. this also applied to social media, music, books and everything else i allowed myself to experience. it was good that this whole week allowed me to take a step back and assess everything.
#work is not my saviour
yes, this. exactly this. throughout the whole of last year, when i was tasked to handle two heavy accounts and a few smaller ones, i found myself having to adjust my working style and my personality just to be able to keep up with the million things i had to keep up with these accounts. it was honestly so fucking draining to be someone that's not me. while i learned a lot about myself - that i was agile, flexible, adaptable and capable - i also realized that i felt very very far away from who i was. i had to be organized, on-the-ball, receptive, detailed-oriented, structured which was totally opposite from my natural free spirited and easygoing nature that i used to be. till this day, i feel so bitter and upset thinking that i allowed myself to be someone i was starting to dislike. now i know that i should take it easy, remembering not to take things seriously and just rediscover a better working self that can incorporate my natural personality while making room for these new skills i had to develop in order to keep these heavy accounts from slipping. i am inspired to go back to office and twist perspectives and start saying no to things that are out of scope. i don't live for work and i'm sure as hell not gonna die for it.
#don't lose your soul
so for those of you who've known me longer, i've been quite a rebel with matters regarding the church. i came to a point where i was restless and disillusioned and i left the church, despite my dad being a minister and despite the gossip, the haters and losing friends at one point of my life. well, out of respect to my family, i followed them to church yesterday. while i found myself unable to sing such scary hymns (come on guys, how on earth do you sing lines like "take my will and make it Thine, it shall be no longer mine" knowing fully that you want your own selfish way and living in the Lord's will cannot be done without his sovereign grace?) but i will have to say that the sermon touched my heart. For those of you who need a dose of reality and perspective, you should read the book of Ecclesiastes and as I listened, i was reminded of the vanity of life and how all this will disappear one day. I was reminded that i should invest wisely and remember that everything is a gift from God. i always believed that God has given us everything, yet we own nothing - maybe that's why i stopped holding on to a lot of things.
i'm still very heathen, pagan, whatever you wanna call me but all i know is that i'm restless. i'm done with the externals and the loud music, the jumping up and down, the speaking in tongues for 5 hours, the holy huddle. give me the real thing - i wanna hear sermons that will cause me to critically access my life, i wanna hear real, raw stories, i wanna see authenticity which sadly, i cannot find in the Christian community anymore. OK lah, maybe just the urban KL community. until i have experienced true conversion of the heart that is fully the work of God's sovereign grace, i am not coming back. there, i said it.
walao i typed so much. heh.
honestly, i'm glad to go home. i'm thankful for this time to just be with family and to recharge. i'm thankful for new experiences and i'm thankful to have had this opportunity. i hope that i will never forget how i felt when i was walking across the bridge from King George Square to South Bank, the same thing i did in 2016 and last night. i hope i will never forget who i am and what i stand for.
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